Lessons

Okay so, I was thinking, and I realise I'm quite different the person I used to be. This year has shaped me in ways I'd never have imagined. I know a lot of you, who know me personally, think I'm quite a softie, quite the fragile one. But hey, I think a year back, I was a hundred times worse.

I'm gonna tell you about one particular way I've changed, cos it's what struck me hardest.

There was a point of time, when something harsh was said to me by someone I cared about, I'd break. I'd be a tear-stricken nightmare. If there was a fight, and things were getting rude or harsh, I'd freeze and just cry. If the fight wasn't resolved (hanging up of phone, abrupt leaving etc...) I'd go crazy. I could never go to bed without a fight resolved. I'd be crying, and my heart would do horrid mistimed cartwheels. I'd be a wreck. I was a thread, threatening to snap.

And then, last year, I went through a stituation which was pretty much like the above, only,up the magnitude by a thousand. The pain was so profound, I thought I was gonna die; of a heartbreak. Today, when I think of it, I don't know why it hit me so bad. But it did. And you know when they say what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger? I believe it now. Cos it did. And in that process, it taught me a very important lesson.

It taught me not to beg;
it taught me not to cry till I was breathless,
it taught me to get myself into bed and go to sleep.
It taught me that tomorrow is another day, and probably a better day.
It also taught me that if it wasn't a better day, if the conflict wasn't resolved,
then you'd have certain other relevant answers already.

Self respect is so important. You should never allow yourself to be talked to a certain way, you should never allow your heart to go to a place that dark, and you should never let your pride and self-worth take a beating.

Nobody deserves that, and there's no doubt here when I say this.

I know, I for sure, don't.